


Why?

by halfpastmonsoon



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Gen, M/M, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 19:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16709056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfpastmonsoon/pseuds/halfpastmonsoon
Summary: Some conflicting feeling about Komaeda





	Why?

I should learn that first impressions can be painfully, painfully wrong.

I'm a naurally distrustful, so it's kind of ironic that the one person I got attached to right away happens to be the one I really should have been cautious around.

I can hear his laugh echoing in my head. I hear it in my dreams. I hear it when I space out during the day. I hear it when I see him, and when I don't.

Komaeda, what are you?

Why are you in my life?

I saw him convulsing him laughter during the trial, I heard him tempt me as he lay on the floor, tied up immobile, as if none of that mattered, because his poison could seep through anything, even if you gagged him. Maybe I should have when I had the chance. Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything.

What changed between the first two days on this island and the trial? Maybe I got a bad vibefrom the start...the more I thought about it, the more convinced I am that I did, but maybe it's just hindsight, just me projecting what I know now onto my past judgement.

I punch the wall and scream into my pillow.

Komaeda, why the hell did you need to add more stress onto my plate?

People are dying! I'm losing friends left and right! And it was you who started this! It was you! Why? Why?

When we first got thrown into this game, I wondered if I'm capable of killing someone. I still don't know. You do. People died because of you. Because you don't care. Maybe I should be the one to kill you? No, I'd just end up like Hanamura. I can't let you manipulate me into this. Never.

I should keep trying to understand you. I don't think you have bad intentions, but you keep doing bad things. Why? Why can't you just be an entirely bad guy so I can hate you, instead of feeliing whatever I'm feeling now?

I continue screaming into my pillow. Good thing nobody can hear me. But I kind of wish you would.

Goddaammit!

I stare at the ceiling with my eyebrows knit tightly.

Being honest with myself, I have to admit this.

I love you, Komaeda. I got a crush on you when I saw you guarding my passed out body. You were so nice and so helpful. Even if it wasn't real in the end. You were. I enjoyed walking everywhere with you. If not for all this shit, I would still enjoy it.

Why did you start treating me like dirt and then tell me we're similar? I'm not like you. I don't want to be. I would never do the things you do or say the things you do. Don't act like we're comparable in any way.

I don't want to have anything to do with you.

I miss you.

I want you gone but I don't want you to die.

Can you stop being so confusing? Can you decide if you're a nice helpful guy or a murderer with no sympathy? Can you make it easier for me to decide if I hate you?

And yet, your smile still calms me down. I saw you earlier and you just needed to reind me how nice the first days on the island were. Asshole. I knew that you're just using my nostalgia to get me to go with you. But your smile still put my heart at ease. I wish I could see it right now.

Fuck off, Komaeda. I won't let you manipulate me anymore. I will never understand. I don't care anymore.

I just wish you were on my side.

Your philosophy scares me. I wish you would just be on my side or the other side.

Please.

I pass out in cold sweat.

Next time I see you, you're dead.

I can feel my body going limp. I can't believe you died. I never thought you were mortal, even when you confessed to having a terminal disease.

I miss you.

But I can tell you're going to haunt me from beyond the grave.

I can just tell your poison is never going to leave this island, or my life. Your malice is suffocating me already. I can't imagine who could have done this.

Komaeda, wherever you are, I can feel your presence.

From the bottom of my heart,

I can't believe you're gone.


End file.
